Confession: I don't watch a lot of TV. Part of it is just that I don't have the time; part of it is that I don't have cable or Dish; part of it is that I'd just rather read a book. Honestly.
But every once in a while, usually when I'm sick and drop-dead tired, I start flicking through our handful of channels and manage to stumble on some truly terrible piece of TV. I think I've probably seen just enough to fill up five slots, so here we go:
- The Bachelor. I'll cover my ears and wait for the howls to subside. I know lots of you love this show, but to be fair, I clicked onto the season where Ben the winery guy and Courtney the backstabber and a bunch of other girls whose names I've forgotten were bouncing around San Francisco. If you're a die-hard Bachelor fan then surely you remember what a train wreck that whole thing turned into later on. I watched one girl nearly pass out climbing a bridge with Ben, listened to Courtney scheme, and watched the girls ski down the streets of San Fran on fake snow in their bikinis. Here's the thing: while Ben did not in the least appeal to me as a potential boyfriend, these girls acted like a bunch of high school airheads, so I think they all kind of deserved each other. It was so bad, I couldn't look away.
- Wife Swap. Why I stumbled onto an episode of this I don't remember, and I'll gloss over all the weirdness I see in the basic premise of the show to focus on the clip that was airing at the time: a Barbie wife swapping with someone decidedly more, er, independent. I could start foaming at the mouth about the expectations of the husband who thought the wife needed to put more maintenance into her looks and do everything around the house as well, so I'll move on.
- Deal or No Deal. Any fans out there? I just didn't get it. You don't really do anything, you just...stand there. And guess case numbers. Boring!
- This one is an MTV dating show, and I don't remember the title. I just remember that the whole premise involved a teen's parents deciding they didn't like their child's boyfriend/girlfriend and setting them up on a date with someone "better"...while the parents and the boyfriend/girlfriend watched via hidden camera. Some of the players were pretty bad, but I just keep thinking that as crappy as some of the dumped BFs/GFs really were--and some were pretty nasty--it's awfully cruel to watch your BF/GF go on a parent-approved date with an "upgrade" while you sit and watch. Remember, your BF/GF agreed to this and is off on a date with some other person who's trying to convince them to dump you and date them instead, while you're watching and listening to the parents make mean jibes. Remind me again who the loser is?
- Okay, I don't remember the title on this one either. But it was another MTV dating show, and it involved a girl who wanted to basically be a literal Disney Princess or something, and she was making these guys jump through all of these weird hoops to prove they were worth dating. Have you noticed I have a slack-jawed, can't-look-away horror/obsession with these dating shows? Like, this is the best humanity can spit out for dating, marriage and eventual breeding? We are doomed.